Death comes to us all. 

Regardless of belief or faith, regardless of paths we take, regardless of health or sickness, the end, unlike many beginnings, is inevitable. 

I often think about death, more than the regular person. I have made no secret of this in my post. I worry that to some it might seem to border on the line of obsession, but I ask you all to not fear for me in that regard. My thoughts never linger on dark thoughts like dying, or causing death, I barely got the stomach to kill flies when they bite me. As for myself, I carry too many people’s hearts in mind to ever commit such a dark act, in addition of seeing already too many that have committed the act and how their absences truly shakes and breaks the worlds they unknowingly built with their presence. That’s why, before I even truly start this post, I ask of those of you who might be passing through stages of seemingly undening suffering, to those who just can’t seem to escape the pain, to those who feel like they hurt and can’t escape the pain; I ask of you this, keep your head held high even when your knees buckle. I know I am asking for a lot, I know it might feel impossible, but I also know that unbeknownst to you, there is a world that would crumble without you in it, a place in the heart of maybe even a single person that will be empty and shattered with your absence. Your thoughts might say that you will die regardless, so why wait? But the time you have has value, beauty and weight. Our time will come someday…

…but today, while it is still possible and we have a chance, try to live. You matter, regardless of whatever anybody else says. And here, in this small corner of dreams and fantasies of mine, I say with all that it’s worth, you matter to me. So for today, try and live 🙂

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Going back to the original topic, the reason why I always think and, in a strange sort of way, study death, is because I think I fear it more than others. And when it comes to me and fear, I have an unending fascination with it, so much so that try to find meaning in the reason of it. Yet when it comes to death, it is an errational fear almost. Why must we fear what is inevitable? Why must we linger in what still isn’t here? Why must I linger in the thought that today I am, yet tomorrow I might not be? 

It troubles me, shakes me to my core and makes a pit in my stomach that is deep enough to have already drowned me once. Once was enough to last for months. Once was enough. 

Still, with the passing of time and it’s innevitable arrival, I have come to face death in the people around me more than once. Recently even more so with two particular people who I had a close connection with suddenly (and unexpectedly) passing on to the great beyond. The knot in my stomach returned suddenly, for a few moments, early one morning before I had even opened my eyes as the thought of death flodded my mind like a basement is filled during a flood. Yet all of as if a breeze, it passed, and I was left empty for a moment before being overtaken by laughter. It wasn’t exactly a happy one, nor even one to hide my sorrow. Rather, it was one of realization. The Realization that lingering on it in such a way that keeps me in fear is so insignificant. I thought I had learned that once already, back when I originally fell into my depression, but in that moment all that I had learned in those months became so cristal clear. Why would I spend time worrying about the inevitable, when there is still a world of possibility I can reach with whatever time I’ve been given?

I’ve always been firm in believing that the world is for the taking, specially for those with the faith and strength to create their own path. And while limited resources might stop some people, and vice versa, an abundance of money and power might create a route for those who lack both, I still believe that the life that I desire is mine to forge. Yet I must be smart enough to know the limitations of my step, and realize that I don’t know the day of my end, so whatever I do, more than anything, I must live a life free of regrets. I must live in a way that, when the end comes, the world will feel that space that I left because nobody else will be able to take my place. 

And nowhere is that feeling more exemplified than in a short film called “DC Showcase: Death”. 

Originally written as a side character in the graphic novel “The Sandman” by my absolute favorite author, Neil Gaiman, death in the comic is part of a group of seven being called “The Endless” which are a group of seven beings which represents concept that exist outside of humanity’s grasp yet affect their lives all the same.

Death is strongest, for even the endless will one day cease. As she herself puts it “When the last living thing dies, my job will be finished. I’ll put the chairs on the tables, turn out the lights, and lock the universe behind me when I leave…”

In this short film, however, we don’t focus on the titular character however. Instead we focus on a starving artist called Vicent who has lost everything following a dream that nobody believed in. A dream that, in a way, he let himself be consumed by, resulting in his inner demons becoming almost physical.

Yet one night he meets this strange girl who inspires him in a way that he hasn’t felt since childhood. 

After some more disappointments and moments of heartache, Vincent gets a chance to ask the girl if she would pose for him so that he could paint her picture. After hours of paiting, battling his own demons along the way and for the first time in years finally able to make something so true and beautiful, he realizes that he had died. His soul had made one final work, one last true work to remain behind as he travels to the great beyond. Yet as he suddenly sees his apartment catch fire, his shell of a body burning while his soul is unable to save the painting which is about to be consumed by the fire, he goes to his knees and begs death to save the only thing in his life left with value. However, since the moment he realized his untimely demise, death has not gazed him.

Vincent feels all the despair rise up on his soul as he cries and closes his eyes tight. An image comes to him, back in the days of his childhood, as he laid on the floor and painted happily. He remembers that picture that day was of her. Of death.

He smiles through the tears as he realizes that he spent his life doing what he loved, aware that death was always there, not as an intimidating fear, but rather a final companion who hated needing to take him away, but cared enough that she allowed him to do one final painting. Vicent realizes that, for as little monetary or sentimental value that he had left behind, he didn’t regret his life like he feared, for he had live with his passion and dream, and in the end was able to create ONE thing that he would be remembered by, even if no one saw it, Death would remember. 

Vicent then smile and, turning back into a child, when he was truly happy and full of passion, he holds Death’s hand and walks to the great mystery. However, Death would make good on her unspoken promise. For when the ashes were all that remain of his apartment, the firemen discovered that the only thing that remain standing was a strange portrait of a beautiful being unlike any seen by mortal eyes before.

The movie a short, beautiful representation of the value of our time as well as a reassurance that we musn’t be afraid of death. Though it comes when it comes, we should strive to live our lives in the ways that fill our hearts and soul, never allowing a day to go by in which we say “I’m filled with regret.”

Perhaps you find yourself in a later stage in life. Or perhaps you feel that there are very little prospect to look forward to. Know, however, that it is never too late. Every day in which we wake up is a promise to us that we have a chance to do right by others and ourselves. And being lost in life just mean that we have a chance to forge the way of life that we desire. It doesn’t mean that life won’t be tough, or even unfair most of the time. But deciding to live in such a way that you go out with no regrets means to hold your head high even in the bad times, knowing that whatever the choices you made, they are yours alone. 

The path which you have forged is yours. You follow the way to your dreams and that is enough. Perhaps you have spiritual guidance, perhaps you were born lucky and have a lot of opportunities or unlucky with very few. But your life is yours, decide how you live it so that when the inevitable comes, you don’t receive her with fear or regret, but rather like an old friend you are happy to see for the first time. 

Thank you for reading.